We all know that one guy who has that dog who can not keep its chacha to itself. Every time you come around that nose starts going and no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to keep that nose from being dug into your nether regions. None of us give the dog permission and, try as we may, we can’t stop the irritating nosing around no matter how politely or firmly we insist that the dog must leave us alone.
Now, some, to be fair, do carry an odor that is perceivable to dogs, cats, small children, and those who are altitudinally challenged for any reason. How do I know? I lived my life at wheelchair level for over a year and a half with no escape. The rest, however, at least seem to be capable of enough self care to keep the other humans happy. Nevertheless, I would be willing to wager that none of us have ever awakened on a beautiful day thinking:
Today is the day! Today I’m going to shove my face in someone stranger’s crotch or bum!
None of us have thought that.
None. Of. Us.
Yet, if you will kindly allow, many are guilty of doing just that and justifying it.
Just like those dogs.
The Dog Theory
Regular readers here know that I am an amputee and that I have a service dog for a completely unrelated condition. I was not always as I am now so, as I’m sure many of you are now, I was largely unaware of the world as it is for all those who are not able bodied. My progression to this state was gradual and I was invisibly disabled long before I was visibly so. Before my downturn, I acted as a caregiver for both visible and invisible disabilities both with and without a service dog present. All this is to say that I’ve seen this problem from multiple perspectives and I mean this in the nicest way possible when I say:
I’m really gonna need people to stop sniffing my bits.
Everywhere I go with and without my pooch I run into people who just want to shove their nosey noses into all my business and, to be quite frank, ablebodied peeps are really starting to wear on my nerves. I shouldn’t have to stay home just because I have a working dog or a prosthetic, but when people cannot keep their nose to themselves, it makes me want to snap. Nevertheless, I haven’t quite brought myself to giving up so today I was really brave and decided to do something I haven’t done as an amputee before… ever.
I took my PTSD suffering amputated self with my service dog to get steak and, not wanting to be my normal self in the full swing of avoidance of discomfort, I ventured down to an area called the Riverwalk which is always full of throngs if locals and tourists. I had a particular restaurant in mind and I knew that on a beautiful day like today I would very much enjoy people watching on their patio. As I walked up the steps to their patio and host stand to their their inaccessible restaurant in an historical building, I had a bad feeling. I asked for a table for one anywhere and was told I was only allowed to sit outside because I have a service dog.
Actually, as service dog is allowed anywhere I am except for a sterile environment like a tattoo parlor or a surgical theater.
The young man insisted he had been directed by his manager to tell everyone with service dogs they were only allowed to eat outside but it was “fine” because I already said I didn’t mind sitting outside.
Clearly he did not know who he was dealing with because I have a lovely teacher voice and a strong sense of right, so I replied loudly enough to be heard by more than just a few people…
If I was black would you tell me I’m only allowed to eat outside?
If I were transgender?
If I were wearing a hijab?
But you’ll tell a disabled person they’re only allowed to sit outside because they require the use of a piece of medical equipment that just happens to have a tail?! Disabled patrons are not allowed to be treated like everyone else?! No.
Now I want to be seated inside… It’s my right to.
My steak was delicious. My dog laid under the table obediently. The staff is being retrained. Win win win. Except just dealing with that confrontation caused my dog to need to alert. Why say something if it causes an issue for me? Because it is always right to speak up. That toad was trying to be important thinking he was right not realizing he was nosing around the wrong asshole.
But surely it’s not like that ALL the time?
I was at a farmers market a couple weekends ago, minding my business, when this woman walked over, bent down, and started petting and talking to my dog. When she finally noticed me it was because I told her loudly that my dog was working and she was breaking the law by interfering with a service dog.
“I didn’t see her vest… but her eyes are so pretty and I just wanted to say…”
You were scratching around and under her vest. You’re being rude and you’re breaking the law.
“But she has such pretty…”
Eyes, yes I know. Walk away or I’ll have you arrested.
I get it. You see a really adorable dog. She reminds you of your dog or a dog someone you know has. Her wiry fur is cute and her eyes look like tigers eye gemstones. That’s nice. Yes, she is very pretty…
But do you want to know the truth?
I don’t give a fuck how pretty you think she is.
Get your nose out of my crotch.
Service dogs are not a pet. Under the law, they are defined as a piece of medical equipment and can cost between $17,000 and $30,000 to acquire and train. They do for their handler what their handler is unable to do for themselves.
Dobby alerts me to what I cannot recognize until it is too late to keep myself safe. Distracting her from her job is putting me in danger.
Seeing a dog is not an invitation to talk about anything. It’s not. Looking at, talking to, approaching, touching, trying to give treats to, or otherwise interfering with a service dog at work is a crime. Interfering with a service dog ranges from a misdemeanor to a felony and can be punishable with up to 2 years of jail time and a $5000 fine.
I used to have more patience for this sort of thing but I’m tired of being patient with other people’s ignorance.
To you, it’s just me talking to this dog this one time. To me it is me having to handle a thousand strangers’ “just this one time” moments. You wouldn’t justify touching a stranger’s body inappropriately, so why insist on touching this extension of myself?
Every time someone distracts my dog they put me in a position where she can miss an alert and I can end up on the ground embarrassed, injured, or worse.
Is she cute? Yes. She’s adorable. I love her. But when I look at this dog I don’t see the dog you see, I see a highly trained, adorable, but incredibly important piece of medical equipment… with a tail. It’s not that I don’t love her, because I do, but she has a job and that job is to keep me from being injured when my body forgets how to regulate itself.
She knows this is her job and she works long hours doing it to keep me safe.
When you see her with me, the only time she gives me attention in public (when she is working) is when she is alerting or she has a need (potty or water). That’s it.
One of my dearest friends has the same condition and this dog alerts her so consistently it’s almost unbelievable. I once saw her alert a young woman with a related condition who was moments away from an intense attack that left her bleeding and with shards of glass in her hands, hair, face, and lap. She’s brilliant. And people’s attention to her, no matter how innocent with intent, keeps her from being brilliant.
She doesn’t sleep with me unless she is alerting. We don’t cuddle. We don’t play. I’m not an asshole who set those rules…
She decided upon them and she keeps them because she knows she is doing something important.
She won’t eat until I’m laying down to go to bed or am already in bed.
She can wait more than 24 hours between bathroom breaks if she needs to if I’m too weak or ill to easily get out of bed. She won’t complain. She will just watch and wait patiently.
She knows how to behave when she stays in the hospital with me. When to be on the bed, when to be off.
She knows how to maneuver in crowds, around a wheelchair in motion (motorized or manual), at the grocery store (she just doesn’t like the refrigerator cases), and she is fine sleeping under the table in a restaurant or bar.
But despite the fact that she gives me the only advance warning there is that something is wrong and I need to breathe and handle myself, I’m increasingly desiring to leave her at home because the ablebodied people of the world can’t keep their noses to themselves.
I shouldn’t have to tell you not to try to feed my dog. That’s rude to behave that way toward anyone’s dog but people think that because she is a service dog it is okay.
I shouldn’t have to tell you to leave her alone because you should always leave other people’s dogs anyone.
I shouldn’t have to say to not touch her or have to defend myself when some ablebodied asshat says it is their right to talk to and touch her. That attitude is the one at the top of the slope that leads no place good.
“If you didn’t want people to touch her you shouldn’t bring her out in public.”
If you didn’t want to have sex you shouldn’t have worn that short dress, had sexy nickers, gone to a bar, smiled at him earlier. Same logic used to defend rape! Is it right?
Coming in as a close second to all that is the staring and at and asking questions about my prosthetic (or my wheelchair) and my medical conditions, or going that extra step into trying to tell me how to fix what is wrong. It’s just not okay.
We live in a society now everyone loves to be the voyeur and if not the voyeur than the social media/reality TV star. If the star mentality, people think they’re entitled to break rules. If the voyeur mentality, people are fascinated by everything and are so obsessed with a need to learn about the unknown that they don’t know how to act politely in society any longer. They want to know, ergo it is not offensive to ask any and all questions.
Do you walk up to strangers and ask what sexual positions they prefer?! No.
Do you want to know how complicated it is for Sally to wash her hair or for Bob to scrub his junk?! No.
Do you tell everyone you meet about how being vegetarian, vegan, keto, spiritualist, juicing, crystal healer makes your life better and will cure all of what ails them?! If you’re one of those, yes, but everyone else?!
Do you ask people for proof that they have no STDs before you engage in any promiscuous activity?! No… But you’ll ask me to prove I’m disabled.
Do you ask other people to disrobe in public to show you their bits?! No! But you’ll ask me to show my stump.
Look… All I’m all about being informed, but there is a line that too many ablebodied people cross too often.
No one would be okay with a portion of our society being relegated to the outskirts, being touched inappropriately, or having demands made on them to be vulnerable in any and every way to anyone who demands it at any time the demand it…
Unless that portion of society is disabled…?
The virtue signaling in place around all the disabled persons we see now is stomach turning. Using disabled people to prove you’re not ableist wrong no matter the source. It’s no different than saying you can’t be racist because you have one minority friend or saying you understand a group of people you’ve spent one day with, but it is increasingly popular to use disabilities to make money. Lady Gaga, who in recent years has capitalized on and put her struggle with fibromyalgia in the spotlight, put an ablebodied woman in a wheelchair as a part of a performance of Papparazzi in 2009 at the MTV VMAs and no one batted an eye (scrub to around 2:15). What makes me sure she was ablebodied?! The wheelchair. With all the glitz and glam of Gaga, they picked a cheap sling seat chair with a high back, handles, wheels perpendicular to the floor, and removable foot rests like you would see in any nursing home, hospital, or low cost medical center… Not a kickass expensive one like anyone who spends extended time in a chair would have if they could afford it. Pro tip, a regular wheelchair user could have done a much sexier and cooler thing than being pushed by someone else and putting her hands on her head. That is the disabled version of blackface. But it was Gaga so it was fine. In fact, it was celebrated.
Except that it isn’t okay.
It isn’t okay to pester my dog or to put me to the side because I have her.
I’m reaching a level of stress with it that I have no patience.
It isn’t okay to ask a stranger to prove they are disabled if they don’t look it but park in that space or have a service dog. We are not a circus act.
It isn’t okay to offer unsought after medical advice or seek their medical history.
It isn’t okay to ask someone to show you an intimate part of their body to fulfill your weird curiosities.
All y’all ablebodied people need to stop stickin’ your weird little noses up my proverbial poontang.
If you buy a “certification” online to turn your pet into a service dog, by the way, that piece of paper doesn’t make your dog a service dog and were you to be prosecuted, you could face jail time.
I don’t care if you’re happier with it.
I don’t care if it makes you less anxious because you say you have anxiety.
If you do not have a qualifying condition under the law diagnosed by a medical professional AND IF the dog does not do for you things you cannot do for yourself while also meeting all the other requirements under the law, your dog is a fraud and you have contributed to the difficulties faced by people who have real service dogs.
Just think about that.
For other theories released by the Kintsukuroi: