“Tell Her About It” ~ The Sound of My Day

Once upon a time, back when I had two feet and no grey hairs, before smile lines appeared on my face and my total Gwenness and sass emerged, I was a young woman in my early 20s. I was single most of the time, college educated, and my heart had yet to be ripped from my chest to be stomped on by the world. There were a lot of things I hadn’t figured out back then.

I wasn’t sure love was something that was really real between two people as opposed to some chemical attraction and the choice to follow through on an infatuation ~ probably because I was far too smart for my own good, lived inside my intellect, and hadn’t fallen in love yet ~ but I was absolutely certain love at first sight was definitely a myth. I now believe in both.

I wasn’t sure soulmates were really real either. How could there be a person on the planet with whom you had some indescribable connection to when I wasn’t sure love was real? For the record I now believe in that one too.

I wasn’t sure I knew whether I wanted a career or family more, and I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of having to choose.

I was convinced I knew how to weed out toads who weren’t really interested in a real relationship and I weeded accordingly. That mostly seemed to work out well for me… mostly… I think.

I also knew I never wanted to be in a relationship with someone who couldn’t make the first move or let his feelings and intentions be known.

Before I go any further: I’m not talking about someone leering, staring at body parts, or being crass and disgusting in their remarks with this first move talk. I’m talking about one adult being able to respectfully and courteously share their feelings for another adult with them. The first sign, to me, of a person who is ready to have a relationship worth working toward is his ability to step up and be vulnerable with their feelings, risking rejection, rather than sitting back and expecting the Other to do all the work. Equality means we both should be able to do housework, have jobs, raise and nurture children, and be the first one to say, “I really like you and I’d like to get to know you better. Can we get a coffee sometime?”

While some of those things I was unsure about or thought so long ago have changed, I still like people to own their thoughts and feelings with me. I don’t like playing guessing games. I really don’t. I’m not good at it in any capacity or in any type of relationship because I’m so inside my head still that I will analyze and turn things over until I’m half mad. I don’t read minds and I really do need people to just be blunt with me. I’m wickedly intelligent but that means that if left to my own devices on figuring someone out I will get all booky and psychoanalytical. I found a great quote the other day that I shared on my Instagram:

Be careful with how much you tolerate. You are teaching them how to treat you.

I think men teaching women that they can handle emotions and intimacy from day one shows a certain kind of strength and character that our society is in danger of losing altogether. I’m not saying a woman can’t be the one to make the first move or propose. Ladies, if that is what you want to do, do you! In all my relationships I am all about the nurturing, but there has to be effort on the other end as well. For anyone to be willing to risk rejection for being vulnerable and sharing their feelings requires grit and I think we need to honor that. Besides, we all know how sexy I think it is for people to own their truth and speak up:

After all, what could be more sexy than someone walking up to someone else and respectfully speaking some delicious truths about what is felt within the soul?

Nothing…

Except perhaps doing the dishes so they don’t have to, folding the laundry, running a vacuum cleaner once in a while, changing the blowout in the middle of the night so she doesn’t end up melting down by 8 AM from a complete lack of sleep, or just knowing that sometimes all most of us want is to be heard and understood not to have everything fixed for us…

I mean, that shit is sexy as hell too!

Well, this a catchy, jiggy little ditty came up on my Apple radio and then on my Prime Music today when I was working on other things and I couldn’t bear to skip it not only because I was too busy singing and dancing to it alone in my room but also because here we have again that recurring theme of the charming juxtaposition of vulnerability and strength that comes with owning your feelings that I’ve written about so many times and the idea of speaking your truth, braving rejection, and taking a leap of faith in your life so that you may find happiness, peace, and fulfillment.

Back when I was that 20-something woman, there were many men who I considered to be quite attractive prospects but we never went anywhere because I refused to make the first move or even give them a hint of my feelings.

Back then, before the Gwenness emerged and I was all full of sass all the time, I was not able to speak my truth.

My one that got away, I am convinced, got away not because he didn’t have feelings but because he didn’t know I did and he wasn’t willing to brave the rejection of a pretty girl he liked especially if she was going to be rude and ugly about the fact that he made the first move.

All of us need to learn to tell people honestly and openly how we feel.

If you care about someone, tell them about it.

“Tell Her About It”

Billy Joel, An Innocent Man, 1983

Songwriter: Billy Joel

Listen boy
I don’t want to see you let a good thing
Slip away

You know I don’t like watching
Anybody make the same mistakes
I made

She’s a real nice girl
And she’s always there for you
But a nice girl wouldn’t tell you what you should do

Listen boy
I’m sure that you think you got it all

Under control

You don’t want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someone’s soul

You’re a big boy now
You’ll never let her go
But that’s just the kind of thing

She ought to know

Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept
That you’re for real

Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means

Listen boy
It’s not automatically a certain guarantee
To insure yourself
You’ve got to provide communication constantly

When you love someone
You’re always insecure
And there’s only one good way
To reassure

Tell her about it
Let her know how much you care
When she can’t be with you
Tell her you wish you were there

Tell her about it
Every day before you leave
Pay her some attention
Give her something to believe

‘Cause now and then
She’ll get to worrying
Just because you haven’t spoken
For so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she’s gone

Listen boy
It’s good information from a man
Who’s made mistakes

Just a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes

She’s a trusting soul
And she’s put her trust in you
But a girl like that won’t tell you
What you should do

Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason
To accept that you’re for real

Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means

Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Tell her about it
The girl don’t want to wait too long
You got to tell her about it
Tell her now and you won’t go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got to tell her about it
You know the girl don’t want
To wait, you got to
Tell her about it

9 thoughts on ““Tell Her About It” ~ The Sound of My Day

    • There’s an edgier, harder hitting version I opted not to publish because I totally call out women for leaving men in a double bind by doing things like being bitchy when men don’t want to share their feelings and be vulnerable to us but then also being bitchy when men make a move and say, “I like you, I’m attracted to you, and I want to get to know you,” which is them sharing their feelings, being vulnerable, and braving rejection. I opted to put that in my private collection and post this one instead…

      😜 Men can play guessing games too… It’s why we women spend so much time obsessing and overanalyzing everything you guys do!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Ha ya think so? Maybe. Just maybe. I guess I have never been the typical guy. I was always an up front, you’ll know what’s going on kind of guy. The one thing that is rarely ever attributed to guys is the “well if you don’t know I am not going to tell you” response.

        As for what we’re thinking: At any time just wait about 3 seconds, and it will be about sex, food, and then sleep.

        Liked by 2 people

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