I was asleep, deep in lovely dreams, when I suddenly I wasn’t. This happens a lot. I’ve several friends who either find me awake in the middle of the night from the other side of the planet or from their homes much closer to *home* that used to be concerned when they saw me putzing online in the middle of the night and now they just greet No Sleep Gwen like we are sitting in some coffee shop somewhere sipping on espresso and everything is totally normal and kosher.
It shouldn’t be this way, you know. I shouldn’t be awake like this!
I know, I know… no one should be awake in the middle of the night blah blah blah.
For real though, I’m narcoleptic and I really should not be capable of being awake like this night after night for months on end. I am not type 1 where I fall asleep or pee when I laugh or sneeze or something. Nope, I’m type 2 where I am sleepy all the time and can get to R.E.M. sleep in about 3 minutes. That power nap you take that you’re so proud of because you slept?! Yeah. I kick your naps ass with my full dream sequence.
It never occurred to me before I was finally diagnosed that it was weird to be able to have dreams between hitting the snooze and waking up a couple minutes before the alarm went off again.
Yet despite my best efforts to sleep deeply all night long, despite all I do to make sleep possible, despite this incurable disease that I refuse to take methamphetamine for (legally prescribed, of course), I lie here night after night awake.
Figure that one out, I dare you!
And what’s the worst part is the times I wake are really predictable because I tend to wake at specific times that are always within 3 minutes of the top or the bottom of the hour and there are hours that are more frequent than the rest. How do I know? Because every stinking time I roll over and it’s one of those times I wonder what it is that makes it happen.
Want to know what’s worse? I will get back to sleep and then wake up again at the next regularly scheduled torture session.
Don’t get me wrong:
I love the peaceful quiet of the middle of the night when it is just me.
I love that there’s no pressure to do things, make phone calls, clean something, be productive.
I love the 5 minute conversations I sometimes have with friends who I might otherwise not get to talk with in real time.
But as much as I love the peaceful quiet, I love sleep too.
Here’s another weird thing about No Sleep Gwen: even though I’m narcoleptic, I can’t really sleep once the sun is up. Napping happens when I’m sick or my body is just done for the day, but pretty much once that sun is awake so am I.
I feel the magical narcolepsy kicking in again. Huzzah! It’s only been 3 hours… not that I’m obsessing about it at all.
Maybe next time No Sleep Gwen will explain something more fascinating than why she is No Sleep Gwen.